girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
