I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
