My sheets look like a crime scene.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize