I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
