he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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