Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
