I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
