He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
