I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
