Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
