the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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