His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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