it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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