Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
