So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
