jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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