Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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