She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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