I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
