Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
