Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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