The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
