Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
