i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize