dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
