I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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