I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
