Moan for me like Helen Keller
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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