at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
