Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
