He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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