he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
That's when you crack a 10am beer
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
