if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
