If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Even my vagina gasped.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
