At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
