Ambien. No doubt about it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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