Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
