i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
