Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
