That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Welp...herpes.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
