he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can I color on your dick again?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
