At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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