I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm getting married
To pizza
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
