I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He shit in the fireplace
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
