I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
