i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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