Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dear god my vagina.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
