remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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