my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
