weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
