I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
