overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
