I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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