can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
