I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
