i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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