its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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