apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
