he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
