im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize