I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
