I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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