I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
