sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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