there's paper in my vomit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
