I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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