R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
