he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
