we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
