paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
