There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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