Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
worst night to have a conscience
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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