There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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