ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
